Honoring the Woman Within the Mom

I have amazing friends.  I am so blessed to live in a supportive, friendly town where one stop by for a cold drink on a bide ride home, run into school friends at the playground, or call another mom for help when you’ve lost your car keys, or better yet, locked them in your running vehicle (both things that have led my great neighbor and friend over to my house in the past year!).  When people talk about my town being “a great place to raise a family,” I quietly think they mean “a great place to be a parent.”  In my years as a stay-at-home-mom, I’ve never been bored or lonely-great friends are always just around the corner.

When I first moved to my community over five years ago, I didn’t know anyone.   I was a married professional, commuting four hours per day to my job as a proposal writer for the marketing department of a long-standing investment company.  I had no children, and the hours I spent in my home were literally spent sleeping, at least during the workweek.  I didn’t know a soul in my neighborhood or hometown.

However, two years later, as the mother of a 16-month-old who recently left the working world to stay home, I suddenly made friends with other mothers.  It was amazing to me, that a simple walk with the stroller could elicit friendly waves, and by stopping at the playground, I had struck social gold!  In the beginning, our playdates were completely centered around keeping the peace.  As our young children played together, they were also learning how to share and relate to one another.  There was very little time for actual mom-to-mom conversation.  It was all about distributing goldfish, lathering on sunscreen, changing diapers, encouraging cooperation at clean-up time and keeping each child from hurting one another, emotionally or physically.

As the years have passed, I find myself surrounded by these same moms, along with a few new moms as well.  I’ve noticed that as our kids become more independent, and don’t need our constant interaction, we moms have a lot more opportunity to talk to one another.

Since I started The PranaMama, several friends who loyally follow my blog have commented that they feel they have gotten to know me much better, as a mom and as a person.  Grateful for their readership, their friendship, and their honesty, it made me sad to think that I generally spend more time with these women than with my own husband, but yet, we don’t really know each other outside of the Mom domain.

How well do you really know your Mom friends?  Next time you attend a playdate or wait for the school bus at the end of your street, pay special attention to the conversation between women.  Are you discussing discipline strategies, potty training techniques, or your favorite novel of all time?  When the kids are quietly playing in another room or climbing the jungle gym unassisted, are you able to chat about your personal interests, or are you instead, at a loss for words?

Perhaps a better question might be, how well do you know yourself?  Do you have a favorite novel?  Do you even have time to read?  What are your personal interests, anyway?  Has motherhood stood in the way of knowing yourself?

The truth is, even though we may not share everything at the playground or at the bus stop, we should at least be conscious of our individual strengths, interests, accomplishments, and experiences, in order to be happy as a 24/7 mom.   Loving ourselves takes nothing away from loving our families.  However, becoming wrapped up in our role as wife, mother, caretaker, homemaker, etc., it is common to become overwhelmed, exhausted and underappreciated by the insurmountable amount of responsibility weighing us down.

Through running, writing, and scheduled time to myself, I have recently become re-acquainted with my non-Mom side, and it has actually made me a happier, more present and more emotionally connected mother.  Is it selfish for me to want to go for a run at the end of a long day of parenting?  Am I self-absorbed to want to spend time alone writing my innermost thoughts and feelings?  Whenever I start to think this way, I remember the big picture.  All moms (and dads, grandparents, etc.) are trying to raise happy, healthy kids to be happy, healthy adults.  By taking care of our own needs, we are teaching our little ones to do the same.  And isn’t that what growing up is all about?

In the spirit of reconnecting with ourselves and with each other, please share with The PranaMama something about yourself .  You’ll be amazed at how good it feels to do a little self-promotion for a change.   Your profession before motherhood, how you met your husband, your greatest accomplishment (other than your children, of course!), a special talent….anything goes.  The only rule – it can’t be related to motherhood – as good as you are at that!

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