Top Ten Reasons Why I’m Not a Perfect Mother
August 17, 2009 by thepranamama
Filed under Mom's the Word
Earlier this summer, someone close to me offered some words of wisdom on motherhood.  It came at a time when I was making some difficult choices regarding my life and that ever-difficult task of achieving balance between myself and my role of mother.  The quote, “There is no way to be a perfect mother, but a million ways to be a good one” gave me reason to accept my faults and shortcomings, and to give myself a break when I feel I am doing everything wrong by my children.
Motherhood is like a maze. Â Everywhere you go, you are faced with decisions of where to turn and how to proceed. Â No matter how far you’ve come, or how close you are to success (“perfection”), one wrong turn can send you back to where you started.
In a society where we are obsessed with competition, from sports to reality T.V. shows to “keeping up with the Joneses,” this was a great reminder. Â No matter how hard we try, or how often we compare ourselves to others, no mother is perfect. Â Not mine, not my friends, relatives, readers of this blog, and certainly not I. Â In fact, many of the silly quirks that set me apart from others are sure to disqualify me from the elusive “Perfect Mother” title.
The quote speaks to me as a sort of “glass is half full” kind of observation about motherhood.  While we all have weaknesses, failures and imperfections, we also have strengths, successes and reasons to be proud. Because I know of all the things I do well, I am comfortable and confident enough in those abilities that I can accept my imperfections.
And so, just for fun, here is my Top Ten List of mommy imperfections. Â It’s actually quite fun to reflect on each one, as it reminds me that I am, after all, only human.
Top Ten Reasons Why I’m Not a Perfect Mother
10. Â I will bribe my kids with treats to get them to do something – usually reserved for grocery shopping and the free cookie at the bakery.
9. I went back to work when my first baby was 4 months old, put her in full-time child care, and never felt bad about it.
8. Even though I am a runner, and I own a high-quality jogging stroller, Â I’ve never once used it for jogging with the kids.
7. Â When asked what I wanted to do on Mother’s Day, I’ve requested to be left alone in my own home….just for a few hours!
6. I check email while driving.
5. Â I once used the child care at my gym to do a short workout and spend the rest of the time relaxing by the pool with a magazine.
4. Â I’ll let one PBS show turn into three if I’m getting stuff done.
3. Â I honor the 5-second rule.
2. Â I sometimes listen to the Howard Stern show in the car if I fade the audio into front speakers only, and I’m sure the kids are both asleep.
AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON WHY I AM NOT A PERFECT MOTHER………
1. Â I forgot my own son’s 2nd birthday. Â Well, I didn’t forget, I just didn’t remember until I had a half-cup of coffee and some unopened cards lying on the kitchen counter reminded me.
Now help me out – make your own “Top Ten Reasons Why I’m Not a Perfect Mother” and share! Â I will award a handmade eye pillow to 2 winners: Â Most Honest and Most Humorous. Â Complete your list in the Comments section, and the winners will be chosen by me and my imperfect mom. Â Comments must be posted by August 31st at midnight, ET. Â Winner to be announced shortly thereafter. Â Good Luck!
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This is so heartfelt and honest and humorous to boot – why I’m such a fan of pranamama.com. I’m not going to post my own top ten because, well – it’s pretty much the same as yours. I have the feeling many moms will agree. As you remind us, being a good mom requires taking time for yourself – and notably, exactly 1/2 of your top ten is doing just that! Thanks for the reminder that it’s okay.
I sometimes find myself in bed at night berating myself for all the things I did wrong as a Mom that day. Someone told me recently that instead of doing that, to turn it around. No Mom is perfect, so why not remind yourself of all the things you do well as a Mom – or at least try to do well. Sometimes, I can’t think of any. Other times, especially after a day of a lot of one-on-one time with my kids, it comes easy. What makes this easier is taking 10 minutes with each of my children just before I tuck them in at night. With my son, it might be reviewing the days events. With my daughter, it might be helping her to put her American Doll clothes away and then picking out the next day’s outfit. These bonding moments almost seem to make up for all the mommy ‘mistakes’ of the day – for them and for me.
Great advice Lisa….yes, my intention with this post, as well as the entire blog at ThePranaMama.com, is to remind Moms that it’s okay to be just who you are – we all love our kids, but we all need to love ourselves, and support other moms, as well. I love your thoughts – it’s easier to think of the reasons we are not perfect moms, but sometimes hard to come up with 2 reasons we are good moms! I think this will be a good follow-up post – and contest! Are you sure you don’t want to make your own list?!
Amy, this list is hilarious…and sounds oh-so familiar! One of my greatest “outlets” since becoming a mother has been sharing with other mothers and listening to them express the same challenges, frustrations, and “shortfalls” that I am experiencing – it makes me feel normal. I think we all need to keep reminding each other that being a parent is so incredibly challenging and that none of us will ever be perfect at it, just like your mother said. I see so much of my mother in me now that I’m a parent, and I find myself understanding her a lot more because of it. I love reading your posts! You have some great insights.
Thanks Nicole! I’m glad you enjoy the blog, and I hope this is one of your outlets for sharing and venting! It is true, we NEED to do that, and we need to let go of expectations or standards.
I feel best when I just go with my heart instead of what some book or some other parent told me to do.
Top 10 Reasons why I am not a Perfect Mother
1) I am having PBS Kids babysit my children so I can complete this list.
2) I sometimes tell my Mom (and babysitter) that I have errands to do and go get my nails done.
3) I raise my voice WAY more often than I ever thought I would.
4) I am also way more impatient than I ever thought I’d be.
5) Sometimes when my kids are driving me crazy – I start to cry. It immediately stops their behavior and they hug me and stop what they are doing.
6) I wish my husband would take the kids for an hour or two alone on the weekend so I can have my own alone time.
7) If my kids are being crazy in the car, I turn up the radio really loud and drown them out.
9) I would pay someone else a TON of money to potty train my son (I am doing it right now and I HATE it!)
10) I put my kids to bed every night at 7pm. I tell people it’s because they are tired (which they usually are), but it’s really because I need time by myself to unwind.
I love it! My favorite is the one about getting your nails done!
Keep them coming!
Top 10 Reasons why I’m not a perfect Mother
10. I don’t let my kids watch Barney because I find him completely annoying.
9. I will let my girls eat dinner while watching TV
8. I will do “backwards day” and feed them breakfast for dinner, not for fun but because its easier than fixing a whole dinner
7. My idea of an ideal vacation would be one I got to take alone, just a couple of days to sleep and relax without having to take care of anyone but myself
6. Even though I love and adore my girls DEARLY, I sometimes think about what life would be if I waited to have kids
5. When I get peed on, pooped on and puked on and act like its ok, I really get grossed out!!!!
4. I bribe my two year old with popcicles, anytime of the day
3. Sometimes when the kids are driving me nuts, I hide from them, even if just for a minute to take a deep breath and pray for patience!
2. I think my kids are so beautiful…..mostly when they are asleep
1. I often joke with my husband about selling them to gypsies
Heather, I absolutely love #3 – great idea! Do you do this as a game or just not tell them you are hiding? So funny, I bet it works well!
These are great lists – I want more!
Congrats to MommytoMolly&Jack and Heather – you both win! Please contact me via “Who is the PranaMama – Contact Me” page with your mailing address. Your new eye pillow will be on its way. Thanks for reading and participating, I had a good laugh over each list, but your honesty is my favorite part.
Okay, I’m reading this a little past prime, but better late than never. Yes, I agree with Lisa “As you remind us, being a good mom requires taking time for yourself – and notably, exactly 1/2 of your top ten is doing just that! Thanks for the reminder that it’s okay.”
I just started working out again and love it. I don’t even feel guilty. I am happier and a better mom for my little one and I feel it’s something that benefits both my husband and I too. In my daughter’s short 8-month life I’ve already stayed home from work a few times while sending her to daycare, willingly gave her my cell phone for teething, often ask my husband for an assist with the baby on something trivial that I could otherwise manage alone, then promptly leave the room when he comes in and ignore the two of them for a good while after instead of “be right back” (my equivalent of hiding). Yes, you’ve given me the courage to admit this also. I read her daycare journal while driving. I’m sure as she grows I will be adding to this list…
Liz, I LOVE your asking for help and then disappearing. A GREAT idea when you need some space. Tonight I was cooking dinner, and I was short one egg. I knew I could call Andrew to pick up eggs on his way home from work, but I would rather him come home and keep the peace for 10 minutes while I dashed up the street to the store. That’s all it was, about 10 minutes of peace – but it’s all I needed.