Social Networking: What’s Your Emotional “Status?”

Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, etc….social networking is all the rage these days. Yes, it’s hard to avoid them. You are either coerced into joining by distant friends or relatives, you want to look up an old college roommate and see what she is up to at age 35, or it could be a marketing strategy for your business. Many moms I know find comfort in online friendship and conversation when they spend many hours of their day home with their children. (Myself being one of them!)

Although these sites can bring companionship and reconnect you with old friends, there is a risk that comes along with sharing conversations publicly. When a relative of mine recently posted some stupid but obscene comments on his Facebook page, he must have forgotten that his father, the Episcopalian minister, and the rest of his large extended family were also listening. Dad put it well: “I’m not so sure I like this Facebook. I’ve seen some things I didn’t want to see.”

I know the feeling. Joining Facebook at the suggestion of my sister, I admit, I am somewhat addicted to the constant updates and flow of information from my “friends.” However, there are times when these updates bring out the worst in me. When signing on to join my sister and millions of others on this site, I never imagined that it would actually hinder my ability to be happy with my own “status.” In other words, reading the most mundane happenings in the lives of friends, former co-workers, long lost cousins and yes, close friends and family too, at time I’ve been filled with sadness, doubt, regret and envy.

Am I crazy? Maybe. Maybe not. As human beings we have a natural ability to compete with one another. By knowing even the minute details of someone else’s life, we automatically judge this person and compare their good (or bad) fortune to our own.

I’ve learned a lot about myself through these challenging years as a parent. I had certain expectations of what my life would look like at this phase, and whether it’s better or worse, it’s different than I had planned. Most of this has to do with my image of what role extended family would take in my life as a parent. I find myself being constantly reminded of how close and supportive some families are to one another. I see posts from grandmothers bragging about seeing their grandchildren or being sad when those grandchildren go home. I see photos of birthday parties where everyone is there, celebrating and smiling. I also hear about friends returning to their childhood homes with their own kids, playing in the same grassy backyard or eating family meals in the same dining room where they had their own birthday parties. I look at all of those comments and photos and I wish I had that for myself, and for my own kids. That’s right….I throw myself a good old-fashioned pity party every single time.

But what good is it? Maybe our expectations from childhood were unrealistic to begin with. Maybe all of our social networking site “friends” have other problems that are too horrible to talk about. Maybe I am blessed with good friends who come to my parties and holiday celebrations, and maybe I’m lucky I don’t have meddling in-laws who show up on my doorstep every day to let me know about the latest sale at the grocery store. I remember these facts, and I count my blessings. And I remember to accept my loved ones for who they are, rather than who they are not. And I remember to love them unconditionally, no matter what.

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