Race to the Top

Motherhood brings many surprises.  It seems no matter how well you think you have packed for a day trip, how easily your baby accepts new foods or how unbelievably tired you are, something will inevitably surprise you.  Your child may go through all of the packed snacks in the first half hour of the ride, your older baby may suddenly spit out food he previously gobbled up, or your newborn may suddenly sleep until sunrise giving you a blissful six or eight hours of uninterrupted sleep.  I’ve written about it before – the only thing that’s for certain is change.  And these changes, will sometimes knock your socks off.

I’ve been thinking a lot about this recently, as the common chaos of raising two little kids has been gradually calming down, just a bit.   After a few totally exhausting and challenging years with a toddler/preschooler and a baby/toddler, it seems that overnight both kids have made giant leaps in development. And I am totally taken aback. Just when I finally figured out what would work for family activities, traveling, getting a shower, keeping them safe and happy while not crowding their independent spirit, their wants, needs and abilities are completely different.  Surprise!

Reflecting on this positive change in my family’s day-to-day life gives me a huge sense of accomplishment. If you’ve been reading my blog, you know that the lifestyle change from wife and professional to Stay-at-Home-Mom has not been a walk in the park. There were days when I felt nothing but gratitude for my time at home with my little ones, yet there were others when I stared longingly at the rush hour traffic going by my house and envied the solitude that a daily commute to the office provided. Getting through the beautiful and amazing but trying baby years makes me pause, reflect and say to myself, “I did it, and I did it well!”

One of my regular running routes includes two inclines within a half mile of one another. I always approach this route with strength to race up those hills without giving up, because I know, once I am at the top, the rest of the course in flat. I like to consider the flat latter half of the run as my reward for making it up those hills with all of my effort.

Although I’ve run this route almost a dozen times, and I’ve never had to stop to walk on those hills, I always have a moment of doubt, and wonder if I’ll have the strength to make it to the top. A funny thing usually gets me through: I think about my kids and each of their natural births. During both labors, like many mothers, I doubted my abilities, and uttered those two very common words, “I can’t.” As I’m charging up the incline, those two powerful words ringing in my ears, I remember how I felt in the delivery room, and how no matter how much I doubted myself, I brought two amazing little people into this world with nothing but my own inner strength. I could certainly make it to the top of a lousy hill. And just like in the delivery room, once it’s over, so is the pain. All that is left is that incredible feeling of accomplishment and joy.

This recent change in the family dynamic has given me that same feeling.  As hard as the last couple of years have been for me as a mom, I made it.  So many people told me during some stressful playdates or after hearing me vent in frustration over a horrific visit to the pediatrician, “It gets easier.” As hard as that was to believe, I see now that they were right. I’ve made it to the top of the hill, and the rest of the road is flat…at least until tomorrow’s run, when I’ll have to face those hills again.

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