Overcoming Doubt on and off the Mat

Tonight it was the number 2.75 staring at me from my training schedule.  Last week it was a roll of adhesive laminating paper.  Two years ago it was the sheer exhaustion of a baby who would wake up for the day at 4:00 a.m.

And right now, as I sit in front of the TV watching American Idol, I see fifty or so wanna-be stars struggling through the audition process, facing the same emotion so common to all of us:  Self-doubt.

It’s human nature to doubt our abilities, no matter what our actual strengths and experiences are.  Our minds seem to create negative energy when facing challenges.  Why is this?  And what is it we can do to put this self-doubt aside and prove our abilities?

Yoga has taught me to be naturally self-aware.  When fear, frustration and self-doubt creep into my conscience, I notice it almost immediately.  It is then when I choose to either let it take over and quit, or notice and dismiss it, pressing on with the confidence I need to master the task at hand.

I recently read a reflective piece in Yoga Journal on this topic.  Matthew Sanford, a parapalegic and 17-year yoga practitioner had this to say about practice, but as is so commonly the case with yoga study, one can apply this advice to almost any dream or challenge:

Think of your yoga practice as a study in perseverance. Not the gut-wrenching, willful approach that is sometimes demanded by a challenging class, but rather the kind of perseverance that can be sustained over time. A yogi shows up each day, gets on the mat, and starts doing poses. Every day is different—a different feeling or sensation appears, a different insight reveals itself. A seasoned yogi follows, explores, and tests whatever unfolds on that particular day. But what sustains the commitment to show up in the first place? For me, it’s a sense of wonder, not the force of will.

No matter how many times I lace up my sneakers and head out on a run, each time I doubt I can reach my distance goal for that day.  Last week as I put my heart and soul into creating cute party favors for my daughter’s birthday party, a voice told me I had no business attempting crafts when I have zero experience or artistic creativity.  Two years ago, caring for a toddler and an infant on minimal sleep and with undiagnosed post-partum depression, I had regular doubts about simply making it through the day.

Although it’s easy to get frustrated, quit, or search for an easy way out, it’s an education in self-awareness to notice the self-doubt, accept it as a natural emotion, then put it aside as you continue to take in the other emotions of the experience.  By simply showing up, getting on the mat and doing the poses, as Sanford advises, we gain in self-confidence by enjoying the practice.  He is right – something different will arise each time, and without the curiosity and wonder to pursue our goals, we’ll never know what we are truly capable of.

None of my personal examples were impossible feats.  In fact, I was so wrapped up in the TV show I was watching while on the treadmill tonight, I actually ran further than the 2.75 mile distance that had earlier made me nervous.  The laminating paper, while not exactly straight forward, was something I, a college graduate, could figure out, and 15 home-made dog collars later, I had mastered the craft.  And parenting…well, I don’t need to tell any of you moms out there.  It’s an ongoing challenge.  But it’s also a wonderfully rewarding adventure day in and day out.  This is something I needed to learn by showing up every day, and getting on the mat!

Next time you doubt yourself or your abilities, pause and think about how much easier it is to doubt than to believe in yourself. Then think about the experience itself.  Notice the emotions inside of you, consider the reasons for their presence, then put them aside.  I can almost guarantee you’re capable of far more than you think.

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