Off the Mat Moms – Lesson 2: Satya

“Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth.” — Benjamin Disraeli, Former Prime Minister  of England

One day last month, I had one of those eye-opening parenting moments.

My daughter, a normally laid back child, had come home from school in a terrible mood.   Unlike most other days when she’d scamper off to her room, change her clothes and then play with her little brother while waiting for lunchtime, she was aggressive and hostile, and physically fought me when I came near her to help.

I was stunned at her reaction to a time-out punishment for hitting me.  She became hysterical and crumbled in a flood of tears into my lap.

Clearly, something was wrong.

After sobbing inaudibly for what seemed like an eternity, I wiped her tears and asked her what was really wrong.  She admitted that she had tripped at school and bumped her head on the edge of a table.

Of course, I first looked at her head – nothing huge, but a noticeable bump that had started to bruise.  I then asked her if she had told her teacher.  She claims she did, but that she did not sit down, or apply an ice pack, or go to the nurse’s office across the hall.

Her teacher, rightfully so, has given her a hug and sent her back to her classmates to play.

For several hours, my daughter kept bringing up the incident.  She even mentioned it to her host at a playdate later in the day.  I wasn’t sure what all of this meant at first.  Did the teacher fail to respond appropriately?  Did someone at school hurt her intentionally?  What was the big deal about this one bump, versus all the others that had appeared over the years?

And then I realized what had happened.  She did something I have done for most of my life – she hid her feelings for fear of what others would think.

I’d witnessed this behavior in her before.  Once, upon receiving a vaccination at the doctor’s office, the nurse and I each congratulated her on a job well done.  She stared at me with a creepy, forced smile until the nurse left.  As soon as the door closed, my child burst into tears and wailed “Mommy, it hurt!”.  Ever since that day, I’ve tried to go easy on the “You’ll be fine, it won’t hurt a bit” babble and be honest about what is and what will be.  I’ve also tried to encourage her to show her feelings, no matter what they are.

On this day, in her new Pre-K classroom at the big elementary school, she was unsure of herself and her surroundings.  She was hurt, perhaps worse than her teacher realized, yet she buried her feelings deep within for fear of being the center of attention.  Much like the day in the doctor’s office, she did not cry until she was alone with her mom.

Satya, the second yama and the chosen topic for this lesson, is defined as truthfulness.  Satya can apply to one’s relationships and communications with others, but to me, the more challenging aspect of life is to practice satya with yourself.

Most of the time, I am the laid-back mother of the laid-back child.  But on that day, with my daughter sobbing in my arms, I became the overprotective mom who wanted to shield her from the universe.

I hate the thought of a four-year-old burying her feelings for fear of the reaction of her peers.  Some kids love drama and crave attention, while others just want to blend in.

In my own life, I’ve learned that I am a little bit of both.  I do crave attention at times, but I also have a history of burying my true feelings.  I am learning, through parenting, of the importance of being honest with yourself, and not being afraid to be honest with others.

While most parents place great importance on honesty and teach their children to tell the truth, wouldn’t the next generation be so much better off if we also taught them to be honest with themselves and true to their feelings?

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