Off the Mat Moms – Lesson 1: Ahimsa

After a long day balancing my seemingly endless number of responsibilities,  I desperately needed something to ease the transition from go-go-go to relax-reflect-repeat.  A run would be great, if only I hadn’t just eaten dinner.  Asana practice would also do the trick, but my at-home practice space is currently being shared with my husband’s home business in the basement.  I was also very eager to get to my writing and start the first discussion in this new series of “Off the Mat Moms” lessons.  But I knew I needed a clear mind before I could come to a place capable of thoughtfulness and communication.

The answer, tonight, was meditation, or Dhyana, as it is called in Sanskrit.  Just ten minutes to still my mind, slow my breath and relax into my evening.  I simply found a quiet spot on my office floor, got comfortable on a blanket sitting in half lotus, sat up tall while relaxing my shoulders downward and I began to consciously slow my breath from three seconds each inhale and exhale, to four seconds, to five seconds.  At five seconds, I began to focus on psychic breathing, which in essence, brings your mind’s attention to an invisible tracing of your spine from your pelvic floor to the crown of your head on the inhale, and back down on the exhale.  By focusing on this path, your lungs automatically wait for your mind to catch up before taking another breath.  I’ve found success in meditation by following this technique.  I hope you’ll try it and let me know how it worked for you.

Now that my mind is clear, (and I hope yours is too!), let’s begin.

You’ll recall from my introduction to this series, Off the Mat Practice Makes Us All Better Moms, the yamas and niyamas are the philosophic principles of yoga.  They are a sort of code of ethics by which to live, in order to obtain true enlightenment in life.

I’ve chosen the first yama, Ahimsa, for this lesson.  Ahimsa is perhaps the most important of all of our lessons, as ahimsa, translated to mean “non-harming, consideration for all,” is the backbone to all of the other yamas and niyamas.  It is important to understand and practice ahimsa before moving on to Patanjali’s other teachings.  As Yoga Journal’s Judith Lasater explains, “It is often said that if one can perfect the practice of ahimsa, one need learn no other practice of yoga, for all the other practices are subsumed in it. Whatever practices we do after the yamas must include ahimsa as well. Practicing breathing or postures without ahimsa, for example, negates the benefits these practices offer.”

Ahimsa has many different definitions and explanations, however, one may understand its meaning to be the act of non-negative energy.  If one is non-harming, it means he is not judgmental, or fearful, or doubtful or selfish.  Non-harming may relate to the one’s actions towards himself or others, and can include actions of the emotional, physical or mental type.

We all can afford to practice ahimsa a bit more.  Today, I had the opportunity – and this is an example of how yoga can seep into your life, when you least expect it to!

I was at the grocery store check-out, awaiting the cashier to total up my purchases, when I looked up at the clock on the wall.  ”Could that be right,” was my first thought. My second, was “I’ll never make it back to school on time.”

Sure enough, it was the correct time, 10:50 a.m., and I was due to pick up my daughter at Pre-K at 11:00 a.m.  Knowing my location two towns away from the school, I pretty much immediately accepted that I would be late.

I almost said something to the cashier, not to rush her, but to let her know I was in a rush. (What’s the difference, you say?  I have no idea, but it sounded better than just telling you all that I was about to lose my patience because she couldn’t find the right buttons to press to honor my raincheck of Crest toothpaste.)  I decided against saying anything.  What would be the point in transmitting some of my stress and anxiety onto another innocent person just doing her job carefully?  Once the groceries were purchased, I walked calmly to the parking lot with my toddler son, then ran through the lot with him at my side, taking the opportunity to make him laugh while gaining a little speed.

Exiting the shopping plaza, I catch not one, but two green lights.  I feel like someone is watching over me, and maybe, just MAYBE, I’d make it on time.  Screeeeetch!  Construction detour.  Never mind.

Driving through the residential side streets, instead of cursing the detour and furiously dialing my cell phone to find someone else who can pick up my daughter, I drive at a normal pace, and feel sudden sympathy for those homeowners whose quiet side street has been overtaken by large commercial trucks and residential cars.  I make my way through the detour and back onto the road I had thought I’d have passed by now.  I’m on my way, but it’s past 11:00 already.

Although I am now officially late, and my child will be the one standing on the side of the school waiting alone while the other children play or run off with their parents, I take the ahimsa approach, and consciously decide not to beat myself up over this, get overly stressed out or drive dangerously to beat the clock.  I know where my child is, and I know this must happen all the time.  After all, a 2.5-hour school day is nearly impossible to cover all the random errands of a Monday morning, never mind with a two-year-old along for the ride.  I feel bad, of course, but I know that it’s now out of my control, and the only thing I can do at this point is keep driving until I get there.

As I near the town line a few minutes later, my phone rings, and it is one of my close friends who is at the school picking up her daughter as well.  I expect to hear her ask where I am and if I am on my way, but instead, she asks first, “Are you okay?”  Her thoughtfulness and her gentle tone convince me that I’ve taken the right approach this time.   She is merely calling to make sure nothing has happened to me, and if I could give her permission to dismiss my child so that she may run and play with her friends while waiting.   Of course, I thank her, and let the teacher know it’s okay with me, and I arrive at the school a mere two minutes later.

Our society seems to promote a frazzle, hurried lifestyle.  Yoga and the study of Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras will encourage you to slow down and think clearly about what you are doing in the moment.   I could have easily gotten angry at myself for not watching the time while shopping, frustrated by the road construction causing a detour or stressed out by the thought of my child being disappointed or angry with me for not arriving on time.  By being present, and letting go of a situation I couldn’t change, I arrived at the school in a calm state, which made the situation much less stressful for my child.

In the spirit of ahimsa, how can you give yourself or others a break?   Try to just “let go” of everyday stresses or try to look on the bright side, such as I did.  I used to be a people-pleaser, and couldn’t stand the thought of letting someone down.  These days, I know I am human, and I do the best I can to learn from my mistakes.  Next time I am grocery shopping, I will check the time more often and I will also add my friends to my list of people allowed to dismiss my child from school.

Ahimsa – non-harming, consideration for all. Keep this concept close to your heart, and I think you will find yourself experiencing a different world.  I’d love to hear all about it!

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