Is it Fun Being a Mommy?
August 20, 2009 by thepranamama
Filed under Mom's the Word
One of the best parts about writing this blog is having no official instructions to follow or demands to meet. I definitely try to balance the topics between the various subcategories of yoga, fitness, food, and overall wellness, but as a general rule, I wait for inspiration from events of my own life as a mom, and since I started this blog on July 28th, I’ve never found myself at a loss for words.Today’s post is no exception.
Yesterday, on day #5 of sweltering heat and humidity, my kids and I once again journeyed to the pool for some late afternoon relief and fun with friends. It’s always a lot of work to pack up swimsuits, flotation devices, swim diapers, swim shoes, towels sunglasses, hats, sunscreen, snacks, money for cold drinks, and changes of clothing. Once we arrive, we can’t just go to the pool directly, even though it’s a mere 50 yards away from the parked car. Instead, I gather up all of our things, try desperately to keep my son from darting into oncoming traffic, pass through the heavy door, make our way down the long and skinny hallway, check in with membership cards, stop to look through the glass door to the child care center and wave hello to our friends, once again pass through a heavy door to another skinny hallway, this time stopping to watch the step aerobics class happening on the left, or to watch members working out of treadmills on the right. For about the ninth or tenth time I find myself saying “Come on, guys,” as we continue into the lobby area of the gym. If I’m still holding on to everything I intended to bring, I try to corral the kids into following me to the left, where we once again must pass through a narrow hallway on our way to the outdoor pool. A third heavy door leads us to the Indoor Family Aquatics Center, where the kids are again distracted from the journey at hand, and stop to check out the jumpers, swimmers and splashers in the pool. One last huge heavy door and we’re almost home free! If I can get them through, we’ll at least be outside, on our way around the building to the Outdoor Pool area.
You may think the hard part is over….(on second thought, I bet you’ve done this yourself and are nodding your head in agreement at every line! ) but here’s where it gets tricky! Once we step outside, each person wants to fly into the pool in a different direction! (Because you don’t even want to hear what it’s like to change clothes in the family locker room, we have already put on swimsuits at home. We only need to change my son into his swim diaper and suit, for obvious reasons, we save that for right before he hits the water. ) A few more utterings of “Come on, guys,” now louder to be heard above the splashing and squeals coming from the pool, and we are finally able to settle into a deck chair. I drop everything and furiously dig through my bag to find the sunscreen. It’s a race to get it on before one of them is already in the water. (Of course it would be easier to do this at home, but I’m never that organized.) Once we are all lathered up and are stuff is somewhat neatly tucked away on the chair, we head for the water.
For the next hour we splash, swim, jump and dunk, many times with friends who also happen to be there. (There is nothing better than running into a friend for an unplanned playdate!) I am in and out, chasing my toddler while keeping an eye on my preschooler in the water. I don’t totally trust the lifeguards, but I do love the floatation belt we bought last week, which allows her to practice swimming but keeps her afloat at the same time. The unending chase is usually to the vending machine, the tennis courts, behind the waterslide and to the playground nearby.
When we’ve all had enough – well at least when my son and I have had enough, we desperately plea with my daughter to finish up in the pool because it’s almost time to go home. With her stalling and my son now cranky and showing the beginnings of a temper tantrum, I try not to lose my cool in front of the hundreds of other moms on the pool deck. After five or six times, I resort to threats and she finally emerges from the pool with an angry grimace. I quickly brush her off with a towel and ask her to put on her shoes. She ignores me for the most part. I have to change my son back into a regular diaper and into dry clothes, and then I say a silent prayer that I’ll be able to keep him from jumping back in the water when I’m not paying full attention. While chasing and gathering, I pack up the various towels, toys, shoes, sunscreen and snacks and try to find my keys.
The route we took earlier is now reversed – again, we don’t bother changing in the summer when it’s so hot, because the locker room is an entirely different post – I’ll save it for winter! Saying our goodbyes, trying to carry everything and walking back towards huge heavy door #1, my daughter asks me a question as we near the walkway.
“Mom, is it fun being a Mommy?”
I am flabbergasted! At first I don’t know if I heard her right. She repeats her question and looks at me like only a four-year-old can when they are totally serious and you want to either laugh out loud and give her a hug or burst into tears and run away.
The old me – the Mom from about a year ago, would have done the latter. No, in fact, I probably wouldn’t have even been at the pool in the first place. One visit would have sent me over the edge and made me realize it was “too hard” and not worth the effort.
But the new me is a different Mom. I told her that was an interesting question, and I chuckled. (She still didn’t get the joke.) I answered quite honestly, “Yes, sometimes it’s fun, and sometimes it’s a lot of work.” I didn’t say much more than that, knowing I’d save my philosophy for this blog and not bore my daughter with the heart of the matter.
But I thought about it the whole way home from the pool. I thought about how refreshing it felt to jump in the cool water on such a hot day, and how the many days of sunshine, although hot, have drawn fewer complaints than the month of rain we had at the beginning of the summer. I remembered the days before parenthood, and realized I would be stuck inside a dry, air-conditioned office, missing the best season of the year in New England. I pictured my son’s face as he gleefully jumped into the pool, dunking under for just a second, before his life vest would pop him back up like a Jack-in-the-Box. With pride and gratitude, I thought of how I have watched my daughter gain confidence and strength this summer, learning to swim and enjoying every minute of it. I realized how fortunate I am to have great friends in the community, to run into at the pool or to share stories of how hard it was to get out of the house! Lastly, I thought of how days like today will be gone before I know it. Some day, I’ll be sitting at home in the summer and my kids will be off at camp, working at summer jobs or traveling with their friends.
On that day, when I have nothing to do but put my feet up, read up on the latest Hollywood gossip or prepare my favorite meal, I’ll ask myself again if it’s fun being a Mommy. And I hope, I will forget about the heavy doors at the gym or how exhausted it is chasing a 2-year-old in the opposite direction of his older sister. I will remember the splashing, the laughing and the friendship I formed during these years. And I will tell myself, the answer was, and always will be, Yes.
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So funny and sweet and true….. beautifully put! The toughest job you’ll ever love…..xo
So true!! A woman at work with grown kids was listening to me complain about Sophie’s temper tantrums and sighed and said, “My house is so quiet, someday you’ll miss all this.” It was a great reminder to not let things go by too fast.
You’re right Lisa! But, I think there is a big distinction here, for what we’ll miss. I find myself annoyed when someone says something similar to me, right after trying to vent my frustration, exhaustion or difficulties at home with two little ones. This question, coming from my own child, was a better reminder than a mere acquaintance telling me “Enjoy it….it goes by SO fast.” I can’t tell you how many times that phrase, although well-intentioned, infuriated me as a mom – because all I wanted was for someone to say, “I know, you are so right. You must be having a tough time with those temper tantrums!”
My daughter’s very serious questioning of what it’s like to be a Mom hit hard for me, and made me feel it was okay to be totally honest. I am enjoying it, and I know it goes fast (it already has), but I still have the right to vent about the many challenges of it all. People need to be a little more sympathetic and supportive, verses saying things that basically translate to, “Get over it. ”
The point is, someday when the house IS quiet, I will miss the kids for the joy and happiness they brought to our home. But surely, I will not miss hard parts – like the tantrums, the door slamming, the bickering, the mess, the exhaustion, etc.
After many difficult trips through such hallways with my arms full of stuff and unable to hold my kids hands, I came up with something that worked for us. I’m sure I looked like an idiot, but it got us from point A to B. I’d start quacking and waddling, and I’d say, “follow the Mama duck!” and both Maria and Robbie would start to quack and follow along. This worked out great when I had my arms full of food from consession stands or something and I couldn’t keep a hold of them in a crowded place. Sometimes I still joke with them and tell them to follow the Mama duck, but I don’t quack and waddle any more
Summer – that’s great! I do a similar little song, it’s actually from my days with ChildLight Yoga. The Walking, Walking Song is sung to the tune of Frere Jacques, with instructions on how to move. So it goes “walking, walking, walking, walking, hop, hop, hop-hop, hop, hop…tippy, tippy tip-toe, tippy,tippy tip-toe, now let’s stop, now let’s stop.” They never know what I’m going to say so it’s a game for them to listen and follow the steps. Seems to work, although it’s not a quick way to get to the destination! Many thanks to ChildLight Yoga (childlightyoga.com) for this great mommy song!
Ha ha! How wonderful to see one of our little yoga songs from the ChildLight Yoga program and “I Grow with Yoga: Yoga Songs for Children” (www.childlightyoga.com) mentioned here along with such an inspiring post! Sometimes, I read your blogs and think that it’s me writing as it’s SO familiar and my thoughts are the same. But then I rememeber that I’m not nearly as gifted a writer as you.
Thanks again, as always, for a great blog!
Love how you describe the work of being a mom while you make such wonderful memories. My friend’s husband always resented ‘the fun’ she and the kids had by going on outings and being at home all day. He never saw the HUGE effort that is involved. I recently listened to a speech which said “Some things are worth doing, even if you do them poorly.” Meaning that it is worth it to read to your children even if you don’t read outloud well. It is worth it to encourage your kids to help in the kitchen even if it takes an hour to clean up the mess afterwards. It is worth it to haul all the stuff needed to take kids out and about, even if you all return frazzled. That’s the hallmark of a great mom. Someone who knows what is worth doing, even if she doesn’t YET do it really well.
Donna – I totally agree!
Just yesterday a few of mommy friends and I took the kids to the zoo. We had a great time, but not without our fair share of tears, runaway toddlers and little kid indecision about whether or not to go on each of the rides (sometimes after the ride had already started!). At one point, it occurred to me that none of our husbands would be up for that kind of challenge. 7 kids under the age of 5 in one crowded place all running in different directions – it was like we brought our own zoo to the zoo! At the same time, I felt lucky to be able to be there, in the sunshine with good friends, watching our kids play and be totally free to enjoy childhood.
Yes, while my husband gets his alone time in his office, drinking coffee and spending all day with other adults, my once-adored 5×5-ft. cubicle on the 15th floor of a high-rise office building has been replaced by playgrounds, libraries, and the comfort of my own and others’ homes. Although this at-home-mom thing is a ton of work, membership has its privileges!