A Good Mumma

May 7, 2010 by thepranamama
Filed under Featured, Mom's the Word

Mother’s Day came early for me this year.

It’s an average Thursday, four days before the holiday, and my two-year-old son and I are on our own for a change. His sister has been at a friend’s house since school let out, giving me the pleasure of spending the day with my youngest child.

I’m buckling him into his car seat, something I do at least four zillion times a week. We’re rushing from place A to place B, late as usual, and dirty from the morning’s activities. My mind is on the schedule, the to-do list, all those expectations thrust upon me. Yet, his words stop me dead in my tracks.

As I struggle to find the buckle, on which he is sitting, my sweet little boy says four simple words.

“You a good mumma.”

I’m stunned. I’m thrilled. I’d be tearful, if I wasn’t in such a hurry. This little person, whose life has shaped mine in so many ways, gave just uttered words that many adult children can’t or don’t say out loud. I haven’t stopped thinking about it since.

What exactly is “a good mumma” to a two-year-old? Is she someone who pours your milk every morning, even when no amount of time-out threats will stop the relentless whining? Or is she someone who kisses you each time you are buckled in the car seat, simply because you can’t run away when she tries? Is a good mumma someone who lets you “cry it out” for over a month, because you are a force to be reckoned with, even at 8 months old? Or, perhaps, she is good because she knows when she’s letting you down, being short-tempered and impatient from the sheer exhaustion of being home all day with pre-schoolers.

As many mothers would agree, it’s not always easy to feel like a good mom. With my first child, I was on top of the world. People told me constantly, “what a good baby,” in recognition of her laid-back nature. She ate things like avocado and asparagus and I foolishly thought I had something to do with this.

But all bets were off when my second was born, and parenting was suddenly much more difficult, especially since my son was not a carbon-copy of his easy-going sister. (Darn!) The euphoria I had felt as a new mother had drifted away, replaced by feelings of failure, frustration and suffocation. It wasn’t just my son’s presence – it was the overwhelming challenge of parenting two very young children as a work-from-home mother.

It’s not always easy to feel like a good mother. We have good days, when we proudly diffuse an argument on the playground, and bad days, when we publicly shout a bit too harshly at our child, seemingly at fault. We make split-second decisions, and then stay up at night wondering if it was the right one. We spend time with other mothers, mostly enjoying the company of someone who doesn’t need help in the bathroom, but we can’t help comparing ourselves and our children to other families.

But while we sit up at night, repeating the conversations in our heads, wondering if our children will turn out okay and questioning whether we really can wake up once more to a pint-sized morning person jumping on the bed at 5 a.m., we might just give ourselves credit for the little things. Buckling the car seat comes after you’ve obsessively tightened the lower anchors, in a motherly act of protection. Pouring the milk, as difficult as that is to do pre-coffee with ear-piercing whining, keeps those kids strong and starts their day off on a healthy foot. And comparing yourself to other moms shows you care, and that you are open to change.

If there is anyone who can make us feel like good mothers, it’s our kids. While most may not say it as clearly as my little one did this week, they’ll show you in their smiles, their health and their passions.

What exactly did my toddler mean by those words, “You a good mumma?” I’ll probably never know. But I’ll remember those words as the best Mother’s Day gift ever. Because for that moment, and several days afterwards, I believed him.