I Get By With a Little Help from My Friends

A 10 a.m. request to cover a story happening at 4 p.m.  My son’s delayed afternoon nap.  The car running with the keys locked inside.  A sudden stomach bug.  A construction detour.  A job interview.

These are just a few of the many occurrences which have led my friends and neighbors to my side within the past few years.  I’m forever grateful for the wonderful support system I have as a parent, and I consider this support one of the most important and valuable aspects of my mommyhood.

We’ve all had our ups and downs.  When you’re up, you feel like you’re on top of the world, completely in control and able to do anything.  When you’re down, you may feel hopeless, ashamed or disappointed in yourself for being unable to deal with troubling circumstances.   In either case, motherhood can be a lonely place – but it doesn’t have to be.

Moms understand each other like no one else can.  They offer to pick up your child at school when you’re obviously running late.  They come over to lend you a car and wait for the tow truck when you’ve locked your keys in your car on the morning of a well-child check-up.   They don’t question your inability to be somewhere because they know how important a solid nap is to a toddler. They don’t hesitate when you ask sheepishly if you can drop off your kids for an hour when a last-minute work commitment comes up.

I am so grateful to my friends who have been there for me, and I hope they’ll continue to come to me for the same favors.  Many moms feel isolated and alone, especially in the early years of parenting.  Not only isn’t it necessary, it isn’t healthy to try to do everything, all the time.

Here are some great ways my network of friends has helped each other out and made life more manageable for one another.  Maybe you’ll feel inspired to start some of these practices in your town or neighborhood!

• Couch-sitting:  One friend and I started a “couch-sit” swap so that we could get out with our husbands for dinner once a month without the extra cost of a babysitter.  The deal is, one of us heads to the other’s house after all of the kids are asleep (this assumes there is an adult available at home to stay with your own children – in our case, our husbands).  The couch-sitter doesn’t have to do a thing except relax in the quiet while kids are asleep and the parents get a much-needed night out.  We always stay local, just in case, but in all the months we’ve been doing this, no child has ever made a peep!  One wonderful aspect of this couch-sitting is that the sitter truly relaxes in the comforts of someone else’s home.  No laundry, dishes or toys to pick up, because you’re out of your own house.

• Playdates: Now that our kids are getting a little older (average age 4), they’re happily on their own for playdates!   A few of us have started rotating hosting duties for a Wednesday afternoon playdate.  The idea is that the non-hosting mom each gets a few hours to herself while younger children are napping.  The kids don’t otherwise see each other in school, so they look forward to their regular playdate, but also enjoy taking turns sharing their homes and toys with one another.

• Car-pooling:  When my younger son was attending pre-school a mile up the road at the home of one of my daughter’s Pre-K classmates, it seemed silly to see his teacher at drop off and pick-up at both locations.   To give each other a break from transportation duty, we agreed to carpool.  I now have an extra two hours each week since starting this “no-brainer” activity.  And my son’s teacher can focus on welcoming the pre-school students to her class each day, rather than rushing back to relieve her teaching assistant right before Circle Time.

• Teaming Up in Public:  Trips to big public places like libraries or museums were always a nightmare when my very active toddler wanted to run, run, run, and my slowpoke preschooler would lag behind. I could never keep up with both of them, and I was a nervous wreck when one of them would leave my site.  The solution?  Bring another family along for the trip!  With another set of adult eyes, one mom can escort the older kids to the bathroom, while another can watch over the younger ones in a different area.   With another mom there to help, we were once again able to enjoy the zoo, beach, library, children’s museum and playground.

These are just a few of the many ways my friends have made life easier for me as a mom.  What else can you suggest?  In the spirit of supporting one another, let’s share some ideas!

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