Check Your Ego at the Door

Have you ever attended a yoga class, church service or other form of meditation, and felt like the speaker was reading your mind, speaking directly to you?   I’ve had this experience many times, and perhaps that is why I continually go back for more.  But of all the spiritual guidance I’ve ever heard, one simple phrase has stuck with me for years, and this week, it’s been ringing in my ears as I contemplate my future as a writer.

“Check your ego at the door,” said my friend and instructor at the small-town yoga studio where an intimate group gathered each Wednesday night for Ashtanga class.   The visualization of the ego as a physical object to be hung on the coat rack, or kicked off with my shoes, was powerful, and gave me permission to let go of my own insecurities.  In that sacred space, where my feet were bare and so was my soul, it didn’t matter how far I could extend in a forward bend, or how long I could balance on one leg.  It only mattered that I did my best, quieted my mind’s chatter and allowed my true self to shine.

Last week, during a much-needed break from the world, my family travelled to an island off the coast of Maine.  Unable, or unwilling, to completely ignore my e-mail, one day I received a message from an editor at a large, national publication.   I had recently submitted a proposal and writing sample, which she requested after my initial query on stress management in children peaked her interest.   I handed my husband the phone, asked him to read the message, and held my breath.

“I’m going to have to pass on this,” he read, looking at me with sympathy.

I was disappointed, to say the least, but not surprised.  After all, someone recently told me to expect something like forty rejections before an acceptance.  If that’s true, I still have a long way to go.  That person also told me you have to have a very thick skin in the business of freelance writing.  Those rejections, all forty of them, will keep coming, yet you must persevere if you ever want to sell your work.

I responded to the editor, and asked, only half expecting her to reply, what had led to her decision.  Was it my writing, or the topic?

Her response came immediately.

“Honestly, it was the writing.  It just felt really inexperienced.”

Right.   I knew that.  I mean, what experience do I really have, writing for big name magazines?  None. Zippo.  Just nine months of local newspaper articles and a handful of regional magazine clips.  My writing, and my resume, scream inexperienced.  I almost can’t believe I was even worthy of her email.

With all this free time on the island, I had plenty of time to ponder her words.  I’ve said all along how great a writing class would be for my improving my craft.  Other than undergraduate English requirements, I have never taken a writing class in my life.  I stumbled into journalism by sheer luck, and now head-over-heels in love, I am struggling to figure out how best to branch out and sell stories.

For several days, while I sat in peace on a beautiful island in Casco Bay, I convinced myself, and my husband, that the only way I’ll ever succeed is to invest the time and money in furthering continuing education classes. I had absolutely no idea how to come up with the time or money necessary to register, but my mind was made up.  I had to take classes to get ahead and impress these big-time editors.

And then, something funny happened.  As quickly as that stinging email had come one day, another came several days later.  A different editor, from another national magazine, wrote to say she was still interested in a previous idea I’d pitched, and asked if I’d follow up with her next week.  One short and simple message, which didn’t scream, “You’re hired!”, but also didn’t tell me I was “really inexperienced.”   That message, plus a stranger’s phone call, complimenting me on a recent story I had written for the newspaper, put the wind back in my sails, and made me feel worthy of continuing to pitch, no matter what my background.

I realized then how much my ego had to do with my future, and my ability to make good decisions.  How often are you influenced by someone’s words or opinion of you?  What about your own opinion of yourself?  How does that play into your ability to persevere, in order to achieve your dreams?

In my own experience, I’m very disciplined when I want something, but I usually only succeed when I experience gradual success.  Losing 34 pounds after college came easy to me, because each week the pounds came off, slowly but steadily.  For all my efforts of cutting calories and exercising, I reaped the benefits and saw results immediately.

Other times, no matter how badly I wanted something, I’ve given up when large obstacles blocked my way.  I’ve talked myself into quitting, claiming that it was just too hard to push through the hard times.

This writing thing is not easy.  There is tremendous competition for work in magazines.  Their budgets are shrinking as many turn to the internet for their entertainment and information.  But in order to succeed, to earn a living doing what I love, I must check my ego at the door.   I cannot let my ego get the best of me.

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