Bless This Mess
August 13, 2009 by thepranamama
Filed under Mom's the Word, Parenting
I recently read a quote that both inspired me and irritated me:
“For every minute spent in organizing, an hour is earned.” ―Benjamin Franklin
Sure, I suppose Mr. Franklin was right – if we all took the extra time to put things in their proper place, then we’d all save time and frustration when it comes to finding our belongings. It sounds simple enough. But something tells me Mr. Franklin was never in charge of a busy household of four, and was never home with children under 5 on a full-time basis. In his time, there were no legos, no 100-ct. packs of crayons, no DVDs and certainly colonial children didn’t need more than one or two pairs of shoes!
I used to be a very organized person. I am proud of my home and have always preferred to have things neat and clutter-free, especially when company is expected. When I first became a mother, I could handle the mess of one child. A neighbor of mine with two young children used to comment that my house was always clean and that things were always in their place. Defensively, I worried that what she really meant was, “Why are you spending all of your time keeping your home when you should be playing with your child?”. I didn’t really think I did anything out of the ordinary to keep things in order. Well, things changed greatly with the addition of another child. I feel like we quadrupled the mess overnight! Even before my son could crawl, we suddenly had twice as many objects to keep track of, and two little mess-makers who could have cared less what they did with their things or how long Mommy had to spend searching for something on their behalf.
I don’t like messes, I despise losing things and I detest clutter on surfaces. My number one enemy is the countertop right inside the back door to my kitchen. It is a constant mess of keys, wallets, mail, paperwork, children’s artwork, toys, tools, pens, pencils, crayons, phone messages and whatever else lands on it in any given day. Well, after years of begging my husband to try to help me keep this surface clear (so we could actually use it for something more kitchen-oriented!), and several half-assed attempts at making cleaning up a big game or cause for reward for my kids, I’m at the point of no return. I am determined to figure out a system of keeping this counter in order. And if I succeed, then I know I can move on to other areas of my house to keep things more organized. And then I’ll be happy, stress-free, and always on time… right?!
So I did what I always do when I am determined to learn or change something: I ordered a book on the topic! This time it’s Growing Up Organized, A Mom-to-Mom Guide by Professional Organizer Lea Schneider. I’m trying hard to keep myself from skipping ahead to chapters on kitchen organization and teaching your kids responsibility for organization. I’m desperately planning a road trip to Ikea (2 hours away) to stock up on cool drawers, bins and cubbies for my family’s junk. I am hopeful and optimistic that these resources will help my family stay sane this upcoming school year.
But at the same time, in the back of my head, I hear the voice of my neighbor. ”Your house is always so clean! I don’t know how you do it!” Again, my translation is: “what a waste of time, why bother when your kids are just going to mess it up again and then you would have wasted all that time you could have been doing something worthwhile for your kids.”
And that is exactly why my house is as messy and unorganized as it is. I”ve taken the exhausted, overwhelmed-with-Barbie-clothes-and-matchbox-cars attitude of “Oh, what’s the point?” Even today, I’ve put my son’s toy cars back in their designated bin at least four times, not without his help – but every single time I walk by the playroom, they are dumped out on the floor and my son is no where in sight to play with them.
What is the answer? What do you think? Is it better to spend time being organized, only to find yourself having to repeat, repeat, repeat until you’re singing the Barney Clean-Up song in your sleep? Or should we just let it go, close the door to that horrifying bedroom or playroom, and swipe the papers off the kitchen counter just before your best friend arrives for lunch? What is the better use of time – Benjamin Franklin’s “few minutes” of organizing, or a half hour taking a bike ride in the neighborhood because the mess can wait until this beautiful summer day is over?
Lastly, who else struggles, as I do, with “Oh, I’ll just do it” syndrome? I have really started a bad habit of picking up after everyone, and so now, they are really not motivated to clean up after themselves because I’ve taught them a lesson that I will just do it for them. Of course this constant extra work only leads me to exhaustion and stress…all because I was afraid or unwilling to call for the family’s help.
After reading only a few chapters, I can tell what Ms. Schneider’s advice is going to be. I know what she thinks I should do – but how about you? What do you do to stay sane in the messy years of raising children? How do you teach your kids to be responsible for their own things and respectful enough to take care of them well? How do you avoid being the picker-upper in your house?
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I just read your post, I could have wrote it myself! I feel guilty on a regular basis if I spend time cleaning while I “should” be playing with my kids…But I detest clutter and messes! You are so right, I have taught my family (self consciously anyways…) that Mommy will always take care of it at the end of the day. Let me know if the book helps!
oops I meant to type sub consciously – I tired
Well, I’m only about 1/3 of the way through, but already I’m realizing something. It’s not about cleaning up afterwards, it’s about keeping things organized throughout the day. This is something we’ve never been good at.
I’ve started following the advice to never put something down “just for now.” I catch myself putting something down where I know it doesn’t belong, and I try to take the extra step or 10 seconds to put it where it belongs.
By doing this, the house is not nearly as cluttered and there is not much mess to clean up later.
So now, to teach the kids……that will be another story I’m sure. But stay tuned and I’ll get back to you!
Thanks so much for picking up the book!
Just wanted you to know that I was following along and supporting your efforts. Watching out for that “Just for Now” syndrome can really make a difference. It’s also a great one to teach your kids. When they plop something down, just for now, continue to encourage them to take the 3 extra seconds to plop it where it goes.
Keep me posted on how the organizing is going.
As much as we want to change everything at once, we just can’t. When we do try to do that, we make ourselves crazy and we can’t keep it up. Just choose one thing at a time and then focus on it and finish it before starting another.
Let me know if I can help in any way.
Happy Organizing, Lea
Wow! It is so exciting to hear from the author herself – thanks Lea!
I have definitely noticed a much greater sense of peace in myself since taking a few easy steps towards better organization. Because my kitchen countertop was constantly cluttered with mail, cell phones, keys, kids’ artwork, toys, tools, etc., I created a system for allowing these things to stay, but hidden from view. With my new 4-drawers (one for each member of the family) on one side, and a mail and filing station on the other, nothing is left out in heaps anymore. When the drawers fill up, it’s time to put things back where they belong. Also, I now know where my sunglasses and keys are – they are in my drawer!
In my pre-school-aged but headstrong daughter’s room, I implemented a wipe-off board with photos of each task of her morning routine. She loves being responsible for getting ready for school and checking off the pictures as she finishes each item. I also brought in some closet organizing hanging shelves for setting the week’s outfits, for her to choose each day. I am hoping this makes a difference in the clothing battles that have already started at her young age.
I’ve also come a long way with my “just for now” habits, and I’ve stopped trying to do every bit of organizing and household work myself. Lea’s advice about getting children involved with chores has made a big difference. In the kitchen, I dedicated a large, deep, low drawer as the kids’ dishes, napkins, flatware and cups. Now they can get their own supplies, without arguing about what color or kind of item they want, and they can also help empty the dishwasher and put away their own things. I’ve also started getting them involved in washing dishes and loading the dishwasher, as well as clearing plates from the table. Even my four-year-old can help vacuum as well.
I have to thank Lea for so many great ideas, and for opening my eyes to all of the things that are possible if we only think one step ahead of the mess or the argument. Her book is a sanity-saver for any mom who is overwhelmed by housework or feeling like a maid. I highly recommend picking up a copy today! Thanks again Lea!
I had to post an update to my organizing efforts. It’s a miracle, but my kitchen counter system is actually working – this 6 weeks after I implemented it. It’s a very good thing, too, because I had no idea how much paperwork would come through the door with 2 kids in pre-school this year.
My latest triumph was to organize and clean out 2 closets – one of which, my large walk-in that I share with my husband. To me, the more drawer, cabinet or closet space you give me, the more likely I am to stash junk out-of-sight, out-of-mind. After five years in this house, we finally went through clothes, shoes and other items we never use or wear. I brought so many things to Goodwill, it took me 3 trips from the car with 2 shopping carts full. Yes, I had been saving far too much stuff for far too long. I recycled hundreds of metal coat hangers and discarded or found another use for stained or damaged clothes. I then reorganized my things as Lea advises in her book. I used a few of those hanging sweater shelves, some of which were in the bargain bins at the front of Target at back-to-school time. I can now reach my sweaters as they are hanging at eye level. Up top, I’ve put my off-season clothing and bedding, and now my laundry room has more space to store linens and other household supplies.
Again, this book is so helpful – I can’t recommend it enough. Please also subscribe to Lea’s blog, organizerightnow.wordpress.com. It’s awesome and her post on closets is what motivated me to tackle mine last weekend!